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Team America, PhD.

America. Fuck, yeah!

Nothing on TV tonight, so I flipped around till I caught the end of the great Team America from South Park auteurs Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

It contains the single most cogent explanation of America's unique role in the world ever spoken by a puppet. As the clock ticks down on Kim Jong Il's master plan to detonate WMD's all over the world, Team America member Gary Johnston explains to a peace conference organized by Kim and a who's who of Hollywood lefties, that Kim must be stopped, and only Team America can do it:

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole.

Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything.

Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls.

The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from assholes.

I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
If only the president could explain things so well.

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“Team America, PhD.”

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