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Debate Impressions - Afternoon With the GOP

The GOP and the Democrats have about the same number of never-gonna-win candidates. But the Dems only have two who elicit embarrassed winces or pity applause: Kucinich and Gravel. The GOP has Hunter, Paul, Brownback and Tancredo. It's not good to have a 2 to 1 edge in space-waster candidates.

Let me summarize the debate: government bad, business good, low taxes, magic of the marketplace, te holy American people, Ronald Reagan, cut programs we can't name, no pain, no reality, be happy! we're the greatest, blah blah blah.

To add at least a modicum of interest, as we go along let's ask how each would do in a theoretical debate with Hillary Clinton.

1) Giuliani. Managed to discuss the economy without mentioning 9/11 in every answer, a great leap forward. But I don't see any magic in this guy. Giuliani - 9/11 = the who cares mayor. Versus Hillary? Slight edge for Hillary. Hillary fakes warmth better. Giuliani's teeth-gritting snipe would come off as arrogance. I suspect that Hillary is the nicer person, and in a one-to-one that will become apparent.

2) Tancredo. So, Congressman, do you have a stand on illegal immigration? Do you have any other stand? Anything? Hello? Hillary would cackle him out of the room.

3) McCain. Has he gone deaf? He keeps asking for questions to be repeated. He seems distracted. If you didn't know beforehand that he was John McCain, Genuine No Bullshit War Hero, he'd come off as less impressive than Duncan Hunter, and slightly less rascible. (Um, what? You know: the opposite of irascible.) John, John, John: I'm sorry, but the bus has driven on and left you at the curb. You'd put up a hell of a fight but steely Hill would have the edge over cranky John

4) Hunter. Um, is this guy a Republican? He makes sense at times. And yet I find myself strangely unable to pay attention to him. Hunter against Hillary? Yeah, not happening is it?

4.5) Hey, where was Alan Keyes? I thought he was running. Come on, send in the clown. It's time for cuh-raaaaaa-zee!

5) Paul. Ron, buddy: you're a Libertarian, not a Republican. I kind of like Libertarians in small doses. But they are completely out of touch with the American people. No offense. Paul against Hillary? Who else could possibly make Hillary look more mainstream?

6) Flip Romney. Optimism? Confidence? Happy happy? Happy, confident Reaganism? Are you sure you're a Mormon and not a devotee of "The Secret?" And are you happy and optimistic and confident and Reaganistic? Let's just keep smiling our giant toothy smiles, we're number one! Yay! Head to head with Hillary? Who else could make Hillary seem genuine?

7) Brownback. Poor bastard's reduced to bragging about working with Joe Biden. Even he knows he's irrelevant. He looks lost and sad. he just can't figure out how to quit. Hillary and Brownback? Godzilla and Bambi.

8) Sleepy Fred. As a candidate he's not even a good actor. How is that? The corn-pone is pretty thick here, pretty thick. Sometimes the hick act conceals a crackerjack mind. Sometimes it just conceals Cletus. Hillary holds her own with Bill Clinton on a daily basis. This guy? Sleepy McGoober? America wants a president that wants to be president. Bill Bradley tried this same kind of too-cool-for-the-room, I-don't-even-need-your-vote kind of campaign. He now has a radio show. On satellite.

9) Huckabee. I disagree with him on everything. But he contains three times the genuine, original human components that Romney does. He's more genuine than Hillary. He's as fast on the up-take. He's likable. He's smart. I'd give him an edge over Hillary, the only one of these guys.

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“Debate Impressions - Afternoon With the GOP”

  1. Anonymous Ken Hoop Says:

    Yeah, but with Ron Paul as prez there wouldn't have been a 9/11,nor an Iraq War. And on the way to the Empire's crumbling, Paul will be more and more appreciated.

  2. Blogger Internet Ronin Says:

    So many candidates, so little choice.

  3. Blogger amba Says:

    I dare you to give Huckabee a donation. Match me ($50). I disagree with him about a lot too, but I think he's a separation-of-church-and-state man and he's sane and hip. It's pathetic that he's going to be drummed out of the race merely because no one's going to give money to someone who doesn't already have more of it than anybody else. At the very least, he improves the race, and everybody who appreciates that ought to help him stay in it by putting at least a little of their money where their mouth is. (Of course, it's not pipsqueaks like you and me -- compared to you, I'm a nano-pipsqueak -- that will make the difference. If the Christian right thinks he's so totally in accord with them, why aren't they funding him? They've got the megabucks. But the fact that they don't endears him to me.)

  4. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    If I give anyone money -- a big if -- I doubt it will be at the presidential level. I'll stick to House and Senate races in close contests. And of course I'd never give Huckabee money because although he's the most genuine of the bunch I don't think he would be a good president. Besides, he might be able to hurt Hillary and she, to use her own words, is my girl.

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