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Vicious Attack! (Updated)

Listen, folks, I'm Michael's guest blogger . . . um, let's say Frank. Anyway, I am saddened and outraged to report that Michael Reynolds will be unable to blog for several days as a result of a vicious attack made on his person.

Yesterday, while running his usual ten miles, Michael was set upon and savagely beaten. The circumstances suggest a politically-motivated attack, since Michael was not wearing jewelry or a watch, and was not carrying a wallet.

Needless to say, we all are outraged at the kinds of political fanatics (could be these guys, maybe this guy, possibly her) who might have carried out this attack.

Okay, on further examination, it seems Michael was not attacked while running.

It appears that while in a state of mild to moderate inebriation he missed the toilet seat and landed hard against the side of the bathtub. Passed out in the narrow space between the two porcelain appliances he woke sore and stiff and was extracted by Paramedics using the Jaws of Life.

We regret any misunderstanding.

In other news . . .

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“Vicious Attack! (Updated)”

  1. Blogger Internet Ronin Says:

    I think it was those guys, or would have been had it happened, because everyone knows what those guys are like, and they would have done it if they could, or if they thought of it, but not me of course because I did think of it even though they didn't. Then again, it might have been her. I mean, really can we trust a self-professed Huckabee Honey?

  2. Anonymous Anonymous Says:

    Dude, this is so lame... I can't even believe you stoop this low. You must be one insecure little shit of a man... God, I'm glad I'm not you.

  3. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Can someone explain the comment by Anonymous?

  4. Anonymous Anonymous Says:

    To add, I want to make sure that the comment I made is to YOU, Frank, Michael, whoever you all are.

    Be sure there is no mistake, I call you PATHETIC, INSECURE, AND LAME. You're probably also impotent, cheat on your GF/wife and then beat her up to make yourself feel less guilty.

    That's not heterosexuality my friend. You missed a step somewhere in your emotional development.


  5. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Dude, if you're hoping to offend me you're going to have to be at least minimally coherent. Right now I'm just baffled. What exactly is there about the above spoof that has you so exercised?

  6. Blogger Internet Ronin Says:

    Wow. ???

  7. Blogger Tully Says:

    What exactly is there about the above spoof that has you so exercised?

    Maybe you're the last to hear the rumor that Rhodes' real mugger was a dozen-plus vodka drinks at the local pub...

    Politically correct commie vodka, I hear, and not that patriotic cheap American vodka. ;-)

  8. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    I actually wondered if it was a reaction to th bicycle post above? Otherwise it's just kind of . . . what?

  9. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Just between you and me, how many minutes (seconds) passed between the retraction and your first guess that she was drunk off her ass? I think it took me about four seconds.

  10. Blogger Internet Ronin Says:

    Anybody else wonder if perhaps the all-night DJ's source for that misinformation might have been someone who imbibed one-too-many vodkas? I can picture a rambling, tearful, and incoherent early-morning conversation that might have led him to believe that is what happened (although not what the drunk really meant at all).

  11. Blogger Internet Ronin Says:

    Michael: Forgot to add that I think you hit on the only rational possibility for those earlier comments - wrong thread. Still...

  12. Blogger Dyre42 Says:

    So you mean the cops beat a confession out of me for nothing? Bummer.

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