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Debate and Nookiegate.

Jesus Lord, what a bunch of tools. McCain and the Seven Dwarfs.

Romney: How does this man not set your flesh a-crawlin'? He's a reptile. In my long life I've never seen a politician who more blatantly abandoned his original beliefs for political advantage. He has fewer genuine moral convictions than I do, and that's just not right. Remember that old science fiction TV series, "V?" With the lizards who passed as human but ate live rats? Ladies and Gentlemen: Mitt Romney.

Giuliani: Maybe he was just off his game due to the breaking news that he charged various obscure New York City agencies for the cost of security in order to conceal his adulterous affair with Judith Nathan, the third Mrs. Giuliani. But, really? This is the GOP frontrunner? Really? Compare his Vader-effect on the GOP debate stage to Hillary's at the Democratic debates. Hillary's twice the Vader he is. Hillary can lower the temperature in the room by twenty degrees.

Thompson: This guy was the Great Conservative Hope? His specialty seems to be mumbling scripted laugh lines to the podium. You're still not off-book, Fred?

McCain: If I was twice the man I am, I wouldn't be half the man he is. But it's not working, John. It's just not. You seem scrappy and a bit old-man-cranky. You ought to be president, probably, but it's not working. You seem old and irrelevant, though it pains me to say it.

Huckabee: Romney is a soulless, creepy, manipulator. But he'd probably be a competent executive. Huckabee seems like the nicest guy on earth. Unfortunately he's a fucking loon. A nice loon. But a loon. He has no more business being in the White House than my Labrador Retriever, Goofy. The man thinks the earth is 6000 years old. He thinks if we outlawed abortion we wouldn't need Mexicans. He pledges to bring about energy independence in 10 years.

Paul: The Kucinich of the GOP. A big bunch of wacky in a small package. Given the chance to disavow the conspiracy nuts who've infested his campaign like a case of crabs, he declines.

Tancredo: I forget. What's his issue? Oh, right: Mexicans. Did someone feed this guy a bad tamale once? Was there a disastrous affair with a hot Mexican senorita who broke his heart? An unfortunate experience involving tequila?

Hunter: Why is it the Democrats only have one irrelevant space-waster and the GOP has three? And whatever happened to Alan Keyes? I thought he was going to run. He's crazy as hell, but at least he's entertaining.

Bottom line? With the exception of McCain, this is a genuinely nauseating bunch of men. Literally nauseating. Bottom-dwelling creeps. Defenders of torture. Gay-bashers. Hypocrites. Immigrant-bashers. (And just to remind you, I voted for Nixon, so I have a strong stomach.) I was willing to give Giuliani a listen at one point, but the more I see of him, the less I find to admire. And by the way, mister mayor, if you think your response to Anderson Cooper's question about your little Nookiegate scandal-aborning is going to fly, you're as crazy as Hunter.

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“Debate and Nookiegate.”

  1. Blogger Dyre42 Says:

    I believe that we will eventually discover that Tancredo's parents once locked him in a closet with a Mariachi band for misbehaving.

  2. Blogger Randy (Internet Ronin) Says:

    You watched it? My respect for your stamina just went to the moon. Good points all BTW.

  3. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    No one ever expects the Mexican mariachis.

  4. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Respect? You sure that wasn't pity?

  5. Blogger Dave Schuler Says:

    A pretty good roundup, Michael.

    I'm already on record with my prediction that the Democrats will nominated Hillary Clinton and the Republicans Mitt Romney. In that particular matchup I think Sen. Clinton has a pretty good chance of being the next president.

  6. Anonymous Kevin Says:

    I remember totally buying into the straight talk express back in 2000. I thought he was exactly what this country needed at the time and I don't think I've ever forgiven the Republican party for pushing him aside for Bush. Sadly, I look at the 2007 McCain and I just see a shell of his former self.

  7. Blogger kreiz1 Says:

    Yes, yes, yes, particularly as to McCain- who's the real deal. Your description is accurate- and it pains me to acknowledge it. Mainstream GOPers despise McCain- which is probably why we like him.

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