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Fred: Kinda Like Jesus.

He's a giving, giving man:

WASHINGTON, Iowa (AP) -- Fred Thompson acknowledged Saturday he's not especially fond of running for president, but he thinks he'd be a good choice for the White House.

Asked at a town hall meeting in Burlington whether he had the desire to be president, Thompson said it wasn't his idea to seek the office, and he wasn't enamored with campaigning.

"I am not consumed by personal ambition. I will not be devastated if I don't do it," he said. "I'm not particularly interested in running for president."

But he said others convinced him to run.

"I'm offering myself up. I'm saying that I have the background and capability and the concern to do this."

Offering himself up. Let's savor that for moment. He's offering himself up as the most powerful human being on planet earth. Shucks and golly, he doesn't really want the job. He's just offering himself. You know, in case we look around and can't find anyone better.


Look, Fred, here's the thing: we voters know perfectly well that there are a thousand people out there who would do a better job as president than any of the current candidates. No doubt many of them would offer themselves up, if that's all that was required. Sadly, the job isn't one that is bestowed on you. It's one you fight for. We're not choosing Mr. Popularity, we're choosing the Warrior Chief of Clan America.

If you won't fight for the job what evidence do we have that you can fight, period? This ain't Sweden, pal, this is the United States of 9,000 deliverable nuclear warheads. You won't be asked to arbitrate disputes involving saunas and sexy blondes, we're a superpower. The superpower. We take names and kick ass. We blow shit up. We are the only cop walking a very, very tough beat. And you think we'll bestow that job on you because "others" convinced you to run?

Throg not want be chief. Throg not want kill mastodon. Throg's friends say: you look-um like chief. Throg's wife want live big white cave.

Thanks ever so much, Fred. It's damned decent of you to offer yourself up for the White House, Air Force One, and a lifetime pension. Generous is what I'd call it. Once we bestow the job on you, no doubt you'll be able to mumble and aw-shucks your way through four years of battles with Russia, China, North Korea, Al Qaeda, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Malaysia, Sudan, Venezuela, Cuba, Hezbollah, Colombian drug lords, the health care industry (damn right I put them on a list with Al Qaeda,) big oil, big environment, the media and Congress, because I'm sure all of the people involved likewise had their jobs bestowed upon them subsequent to their offering themselves up.

Hey, actor boy: we like to see you fight. You know why? Because we're not choosing the chairman of the philosophy department.

Yes, it's a bunch of silliness: freezing in Iowa, begging for money, shaking the hands of hillbillies, giving the same speech a billion times, being snarked at by reporters, getting bitch-slapped by Hillary Clinton. But it's our national version of a frat hazing. It's our national Parris Island. No doubt it could be done better. But it's what we have, it's how we weed out the weak.

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“Fred: Kinda Like Jesus.”

  1. Blogger Transplanted Lawyer Says:

    I haven't heard too much from Fred recently. Not since... the writer's strike started. Hmm....