Kids Today. And Every Day. (Update)
Those Victorians knew what the hell they were doing:
It's the noise. And the interruption. And the eternal fucking sibling warfare which in its unquenchable, unreasoning stupidity makes Sunnis and Shias seem as tame as eunuchs discussing women. It's time to return to the Victorian era and feed the children separately. Possibly in the servant's quarters. Possibly in the upstairs bathroom.
The circumstances most likely to make me go batshit and kill the kids, from most to least likely:
10 - Dinner out
9 - Dinner in
8 - Driving
7 - Visiting friends or relatives
6 - Getting ready in the morning
5 - Doing homework
4 - Shopping
3 - After I've had two drinks
2 - After I've had three drinks
1 - When they're asleep
I actually kind of like shopping with them. Then I can inflict their boisterous evil on others.
Update: Okay, this isn't good, either. Though I've actually been hit with projectile poop.
The children ate at the same time but at a separate table, and they were especially eager to get to the dessert course - Christmas pudding and ice cream.
It's the noise. And the interruption. And the eternal fucking sibling warfare which in its unquenchable, unreasoning stupidity makes Sunnis and Shias seem as tame as eunuchs discussing women. It's time to return to the Victorian era and feed the children separately. Possibly in the servant's quarters. Possibly in the upstairs bathroom.
The circumstances most likely to make me go batshit and kill the kids, from most to least likely:
10 - Dinner out
9 - Dinner in
8 - Driving
7 - Visiting friends or relatives
6 - Getting ready in the morning
5 - Doing homework
4 - Shopping
3 - After I've had two drinks
2 - After I've had three drinks
1 - When they're asleep
I actually kind of like shopping with them. Then I can inflict their boisterous evil on others.
Update: Okay, this isn't good, either. Though I've actually been hit with projectile poop.
This entry was posted by Michael Reynolds, on
Tuesday, January 08, 2008.
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12:17 AM
Ahh, dinner out. My wife is always wanting to go out with the kids for dinner. I have to wonder if she's familiar with our offspring. I'd rather eat my own liver. I'd have more fun at NASCAR -- just as fucking loud but I wouldn't have to take anyone potty.