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We Say Firenze

Occasional commenter, blogger, and viral punster Ruth Anne seems to believe that my planned move to Italy is akin to death. Or at least absence. Au contraire. Or as we might say in Italian, ho rotto la gamba . . . wait, that doesn't sound quite right.

Anyway, my point is that I'm in North Carolina whereas most of you are in such godforsaken places as Kansas, California, Texas or even North Carolina, so it's not like we hang out at the corner bar and you implore me to buy you round after round of straight vodka shots while you get sloppy and maudlin and end up confiding what you did with your cousin back in tenth grade, you slime.

Wait. I think I had a point when I started out. Um . . . Okay, my point is I'm not virtually moving away, I'm only moving away in reality. I intend to keep blogging. At least until my editor gets me my rewrite (ahem). And once I've done the rewrite I'll blog some more. Until I can drag my sorry ass onto the next book.

The only difference will be that I will become increasingly divorced from the mundane and meaningless lives you peasants lead, and will ascend to new heights of culturitude. Or culturation. Possibly culturification. I may even read Dante.

In any case, the timeline goes like this: 1) Next week I go to Italy to find us a place to live. 2) Then, we apply for residency visas. 3) Then we move.

We also have to sell this house, which means erasing evidence of the destruction we've visited on this place in three years' time. (See Vandals.) We have to find temporary homes for all the goddamned animals. I have to make sure my health insurance works in Italy. (Which would be an improvement.) I have to sell (sob) my beloved Benz. (2002, S-500, black with tan interior, fair condition, 75k miles, after-market DVD, make a reasonable offer over $19,000.)
We have to move all our stuff into storage. Update wills. File taxes. Figure out how to buy a car in Italy. Learn to speak Italian. Figure out how to shift residency to a state with no state income tax. (WA, NV, TN, FL, NH, WY, SD, TX. I have them memorized.) And about eight bazillion other things.

If the visa comes through we're out of here in May or June. If. But I have no intention of dropping the blog. I feel it's my duty to irritate the hell out of long-time readers with tales of my Tuscan lifestyle which will involve fabulous meals, great wines, terrific sightseeing, a mistress (hey, when in Rome, or Florence,) and staring out over the picturesque olive groves as I go slowly mad from boredom.

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“We Say Firenze”

  1. Blogger Ruth Anne Adams Says:

    Regarding changing your state of residence: You have to affirmatively do something to change your residence while your feet are in their soil. For instance, if you open a bank account, make a contract [for storage?], execute documents [those wills], establish a mailing address, register to vote, obtain a driver's license, while in that jurisdiction, that's enough. You must file your taxes for the months you weren't there, but this will apply for the later months. Pennsylvania also works if you're on active duty in the military. Hey now, there's an idea, Private Reynolds! If you get on a Skybus.com flight, you can spend $20, go to Florida, have a vacation, and change your residency.

    Again: no charge.

  2. Blogger Alan Stewart Carl Says:

    My hope is you start writing about Italian politics. Their mess makes our system look positively functional.

    And if you need a place to pretend reside in Texas, there some killer condos going up around the corner. If you buy one and let me use it as my office/escape from the family, I'll gladly forward your mail. Seems like a fair deal.

  3. Blogger Ruth Anne Adams Says:

    With Firenze like that, who needs enemas?

  4. Blogger amba Says:

    When I stop reeling from Ruth Anne's latest, I'll remember what I meant to say . . . uh, yeah: when did you change your mind back? Last I heard you weren't going. That was an intolerable disappointment to us (vicarious livers that we are, and have) and, apparently, to you as well.

  5. Blogger Randy (Internet Ronin) Says:

    Get any assurances WRT health insurance in writing. Or at least have a copy of the contract where it is spelled out. At one time, such coverage was generally limited to short visits abroad, not semi-permanent status. Also, it pays to be sure that your health insurance carrier is licensed to do business in whatever state you do end up domiciled in for tax purposes. Otherwise, you could end up with no insurance.

  6. Blogger Transplanted Lawyer Says:

    Naturalmenta, tutti noi vogliamo che tu e la tua famiglia essere molto felice. Ma, non smettere di scrivere sul blog, dopo aver spostato, per favore!

  7. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Ruth Anne, sorry to be so slow responding but I'm down with my annual hay fever attack wherein North Carolina attempts to kill me with snot.

    That's really helpful information, and thanks. So helpful I'm going to forgive that pun.

  8. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Alan:
    They're having an election! I believe it's their 912th since the end of WW2. It's Berlsuconi redux versus some guys who is running as Obama. If Obama were Italian.

  9. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Amba:

    http://sidewaysmencken.blogspot.com/2008/02/imagination-feeds-on-stupid.html

    In the end we just could not let it go. Not rational, which is to say not really like me. But sometimes you have to hope that your brain sees things at an almost subliminal level that you cannot quite explain rationally.

  10. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Randy:
    You got that right, brother. In writing, with sworn affadavits, sealed with a drop of the writer's blood. Then they'll still screw me.

  11. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    TL:
    Dude. Really? You speak Italian? Or did you Google it?

    If you speak it I am unspeakably jealous. So far I can say hello, good-bye, where's the Duomo?

  12. Blogger Transplanted Lawyer Says:

    Yep. A second language, but I know enough to get into an argument about politics. Nonna mia was a war bride who moved to Milwaukee in 1949, speaking about twelve words of English, to be with her G.I. husband. She's from a little village named Forte dei Marmi -- a little bit more than an hour's drive from where you're looking at setting up shop. Take the A11 west, use the Massarosa bypass at Lucca (avoid Pisa at all costs unless it is your destination but you probably know that already), and use the Versilia exit from the autostrada, the one with the scary-looking clown. Look for the beachside village with sidewalks made from marble (really). I have family in Forte dei Marmi who I try to see every three or four years, since most of them can't afford to come to the U.S. I learned some Italiano so that I could actually communicate with my cousins using something other than sign language.

  13. Anonymous Anonymous Says:

    you can use our address. :)
    tiph