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Such An Offer!

So cute I could just smother him . . . with kisses, of course.

We are having some difficulty figuring out how to get Pugs -- the brilliantly-named pug -- to Italy.

It seems pugs have a slight tendency to um, die, if they travel by air. Three of the four members of our family would be upset if that happened, and when 75% of the family is upset, the remaining 25% has a hard time really celebrating.

In any case, we're looking for someone to adopt this cute, adorable, yappy little dog. I'm told he's a good lap dog. I'm told he's actually very sweet. I'm told that I should stop threatening to hit him with a stick.

This is a serious offer. I will deliver him pretty much anywhere east of the Mississippi, to a good home, to be cared for for a period of a year.

But wait! That's not all! We'll actually pay you. $250 a month. (Yes, even if he dies. As a matter of fact, if you can keep your mouth shut about it, there could even be a bonus.)

And. And! Like a yapping, pissing, ugly-ass dog and $250 a month isn't enough to entice any rational person into jumping up and down, waving his hand and crying, "Oooh! Ooooh! Me! I'll do it!" We will also cover all vet expenses.

Write now! Only one pug per customer, so don't delay!

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“Such An Offer!”

  1. Blogger reader_iam Says:

    Michael, let me talk to my husband (who is out of town at present).

    We are long-term pug owners (two still living; two have passed on to that great lap in the sky).

    How old is he?

  2. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Really? That would be so cool.

    I think he's about 3 and a half. In good health. Has had the operation to improve his breathing. (There's 900 bucks I'll never see again.) But he is a "dominant" dog, (he pushes around our 100 pound labrador,) so there is a peeing issue, occasionally.

    Talk to your husband. I'd happily drive to Iowa. I could see my old school -- Urbandale HIgh.

  3. Blogger reader_iam Says:

    My husband and I have considered buy stock in a paper-towel producing company to balance out our pension portfolio, and because we believe it's a growth industry.

    Anyway, we'll talk, and then we'll talk. I sent you an e-mail offline, so we'll carry on there.

  4. Blogger amba Says:

    I've already provided a character reference.

  5. Blogger Randy (Internet Ronin) Says:

    I've already provided a character reference.

    The question is: For who? The dog, its owner or the good samaritan?

  6. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:


    Dude. Amba is a very honest person. How in hell is she going to provide a reference for the dog's owner?

  7. Blogger reader_iam Says:

    I think it's the dog. In fact, I have received a fine testimonial on behalf of Pugs. And there's no question about its sincerity: I've been around long enough to have read Amba's bloggings about her live-in adventures with Pugs quite a while back, and in real time.

    Leave it to Annie to go right to the heart of the entity most deserving of advocacy.

    And bless her heart.