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Give Me POLLS!

I need more polls.

I'm not kidding here, I need me some polls. Sweet, sweet polls.

Pennsylvania, Virginia, North Carolina, Colorado, New Mexico, Ohio, Florida. Did I mention Pennsylvania? POOOOOOOLLLS!

Rasmussen, Gallup, Mason Dixon, Hotline, ARG, Marist, Strategic Vision, CNN, NYT, WashingtonPost/ABC, WSJ/NBC. POOOOOOLLLLLLLS! POOOOOOOOLLLLLLS!

I'm tying off, man. I got my works out. Oh yeah, baby. Come on, right here, right in the vein. Oh yeah . . . so good . . . so . . . Oh, man, somebody ripped me off with some weak-ass, stepped-on Zogby! No way, that's not going to do it. I'm jonesing bad, I can't be getting by on Zogby!

Okay, don't panic. Don't panic. Pollster.com will hook me up. What? Nothing new? Okay, talk to me RCP, you have to be holding. I need a fix, man, you can't cut me off like this.

Fivethirthyeight, you know I love you, you know I'll do anything for you. Anything. You know what I'm saying? I just need me some poll. Daddy needs it bad.

You got what? A California poll? What the f**k am I gonna do with a California poll? Are you kidding me? At least give me a taste of some Montana or Indiana.

Anybody? Can anyone help me? I just need something to get me by. Honest to God, I'm going to get cleaned up. I swear. In like a couple of days. But right now man, right now I need some random sampling.

I need it. So bad.

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“Give Me POLLS!”

  1. Blogger reader_iam Says:

    Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a nice slug of single malt, served neat, as the good Lord (or goddess, or whatever) intended? I'm thinking of pouring one of those for myself about now. Want I should bring out a second tumbler?

  2. Blogger reader_iam Says:

    Also, I linked this.


  3. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:

    Thanks, Reader. Now, seriously: do you have any numbers on Missouri?

  4. Anonymous MiM Says:

    If only you were back in the U.S. for the elections, you could watch the news networks go over every poll ad nauseum.

    Plus, you've missed Nate Silver of fivethirtyeight.com appearing live on TV. He even looks the part of a numbers geek. Despite being an Obama fan, you get the feeling he's giving it to you pretty straight up.

    Perhaps you could just spend some time manipulating the numbers. Rick Davis believes (or claims) all the "undecided" voters will go for McCain, so you can simply add those to his numbers and start shuffling your electoral college map.

    In my opinion if you're still undecided at this point you are:

    a) Not that engaged in the election process to begin with, and

    b) Not that likely to vote when you see the line at your polling station going around the block.

    Sorry you won't be here to spend Tuesday night channel surfing every news network until the early hours of the morning. At least you have the internet.

  5. Blogger Michael Reynolds Says:


    Actually, the amazing thing is, I will be able to. (Assuming my satellite and internet don't drop out.) I have CNN and Fox on TV and MSNBC has started streaming live online.

    Of course the timing sucks. We're six hours later than EST. But I'm staying up all night if I have to. My wife and our son, too. (A little much for our daughter.) Making history, I hope and believe.

    I may even live blog.

  6. Blogger michelle of bleeding espresso Says:

    I wish I had seen this two weeks ago. This was exactly how I felt in the days leading up the election. And I was live twittering the election...thank goodness for Sky! Never thought I'd say that ;)