Long day. Cranky. No big reason. Just . . . stuff.
Top Ten reasons why I should not be . . . well, you guess what these ten characteristics demonstrate.
1) I hate noise. Many years ago when I had noisy neighbors, I snuck around and threw their breaker. Then locked their breaker box. (Ah hah hah hah!) I have threatened people's health over noise.
2) I can't stand being harrassed. Leave me alone. Seriously: leave me alone.
3) I'm stupid and reckless with money. You don't even want to know. If you knew you would hate me.
4) I'm a workaholic. When I don't get my work done I'm sullen, withdrawn, and snappish. On a day when I do get my work done I'm merely sullen.
5) I'm a nightowl. The schedule in my brain goes like this: up at ten am, asleep at 2:00 am.
6) It's a struggle for me go ten minutes without dropping an F-bomb.
7) I cannot stand teachers. It's something about their voices. It's oil and water. Cats and dogs. Sunni and Shiites.
8) I'm a narcissist. Me. Me, me, me. It's all about me. Not someone else. Me.
9) I manage to be both a fascist and an anarchist. I demand that others follow the rules, and deny that they apply to me.
10) I believe school homework is about 95% pointless. As opposed to regular schoolwork which is only 80% pointless.
11) I eat too much, exercise too little, drink too much, read too little.
12) There are large swathes of my life that it's best I, um, gloss over.
13) Dropped out of high school because a teacher made me go back out the wrong door and come back in through the right door.
14) There is no Santa Claus. You should not expect me to pretend otherwise. You know why? Because Christmas is just a huge pain in the ass. (I have made repeated efforts to convince my extended family that at Christmas we should simply write each other a check for $20.00. We'd have given gifts, but spent no net money, and wasted no time at Target.)
15) Um . . .
16) Oh, right: I'm lousy at planning ahead.
17) If it were left entirely up to me I would move every year. So far I've had homes in 14 states (I'm promoting DC to statehood) and two foreign countries. My great regret is that it's not 30 states and 20 foreign countries.
18) Temper. Yes. Have one. Not a punching walls temper, more of a goddammit-what-the-hell temper.
19) I don't actually like people. To paraphrase Streisand, people who need people really need to stay the hell away from me.
20) If I had my way, every dinner would be in a fine restaurant, preferably one with a challenging tasting menu. It would last three hours. I would leave the restaurant just a bit sick, thoroughly hammered and broke.
For the answer to what I should not be, but am, see comments.